Archive for the ‘ relationships ’ Category

Rule #9 Be The Bigger Person

Eventually you will run into your ex, it is inevitable. You know you shared interests and that at some point it was bound to happen that you would run into them doing one of those things.  It seems to happen mostly with those you don’t care to see. It is with these that you should take extra care if you harbor resentment it is impossible to lead a functional successful life. Sure there is the instant gratification but do you really want to be known as the crazy ex that chased them down the road or out of the store?

The ex of mine that inspired writing these rules happened to walk into my work the other day. I didn’t even notice him come in; I was too busy enjoying my work.  I saw the back of his neck and I thought “please don’t be you”, then he turned around. You know that moment you realize it’s them and you can’t believe it, yup happened to me. I had the line from Casablanca slightly altered “Of all the, art stores in all, the world you had to walk into mine”.   There are many things I could have said or done because he hurt me pretty bad with the way things ended, even when it’s partially my fault too. I was very tempted however; I didn’t do any of it I just smiled, said hello and continued about my business.

The reason is I realized I did the best I could with the cards dealt to me and I have nothing to feel ashamed about. I cannot move on or hope to have a good relationship if I hurt those around me, even if certain others feel a “bitch” moment was necessary.  I felt great after like the hugest weight had been lifted. Being the bigger person can truly make you feel like a million bucks, personally I think that is a better feeling than being known as the Exacto wielding crazy art gallery ex. So take that hurt, sadness, anger or resentment and use that energy in a more positive channel. I can vouch for it feeling fantastically gratifying in the long run.

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AN extension to Rule #4 BE HONEST

Well maybe I am just crazy at this point.  I was seeing a guy that pointed out a picture of another girl he was dating and called her his 14-year-old niece. OF course being the trusting and DEFINITELY not in a committed relationship I go by that.  When Establishing a relationship its okay to see other people you need to be honest about this okay well maybe not who you are seeing but if caught looking at photos of the other girl don’t call them a family member.  A mutual friend of mine and the girl brought her up in conversation so of course I asked a question. He stuck to his guns on it so I asked the girl. AM I Crazy for calling the guy on this and telling the girl of his lie who as it turns out is a Single mom in her mid 20’s?

I didn’t feel it was wrong and if given the chance I would probably do it the same way all over again. Maybe being my age and not wanting anyone to get hurt this may have been seen as meddling but I can’t sit idly by and see someone else get hurt by lies. I have this simple belief of HONESTY. So when did this become such a rarity to be straight with someone?

 

Rule #7 Dont bring Gifts

Now Boys and girls this may seem pretty straight forward to not do. Its kind of like saying im free woohoo here is a gift to celebrate my freedom from you. Yes everyone has a different ending some may even exchange gifts but do you really want to look at that watch or jacket and think about that person?

My own experience with this was quiet confusing  I was brought cake. But hell it was cake. How can one say no to cake? If it had candles I might have been more concerned. A worse or better depending on your viewpoint is a story a girlfriend of mine shared. The girl had cheated on the guy (which I don’t agree with but stuff happens) he found out about it before she could tell him.  I’m guessing he felt hurt and devised a romantic evening to breakup with her. This involved flower petals and cut flowers leading to her car ending  with a note that I don’t feel comfortable repeating the exact words. So I will just say he told her to get lost in a not very nice way. This may have forever ruined flowers for her however; Giving  cut flowers upon breaking up with them kind of makes sense though in a crazy way. Think about the flowers are going to die anyways just like the relationship did,so in a weird way its a message in itself.

Rule#6 Make it in Person Preferably

Hey I have been cowardly about this myself and sent a text message instead. The in person breakup is hard but it gives closure. It allows you both to see its over and allows you to move on. If your unable to do this in person the next best is a phone call. It shows respect for the person you were involved with and that it comes from you. If you end it through other measures especially if you will see the person frequently after the fact. My own experience with this was dating a co-worker and I was dumped via Facebook message. Only to see the guy 3 hours later. For the in person breakup here are a few things to note:
– Do not bring gifts
– Know what your going to say be decisive and clear no room for questions
– do it at a place the person being dumped is comfortable
– Being Kleenex.

If you follow the keys above it will still suck but It will feel better in the end.

Not a rule an unexpected landmark

Wow I’m not sure this is a landmark I wanted but 100 Breakups in 15years of dating officially was officially hit last night. I was what felt like led on for 3 days promised it would be made up to me. Then I get brought cake and broken up with the day before my sisters birthday. Hmm note to self new rule don’t bring a gift to a breakup and not before something important to the other person.
I have Learned a lot over each of those years and you would think this would make me cold. It hasn’t made me bitter yet I’m just determined to find someone to help complement my life not complete it. I seem to be finding men that suddenly change their minds when I try to get to know them better. It feels like the world still has such a focus on you have to find a wife or husband and settle down. When someone doesn’t meet your expectations its over. I think that needs to change you can’t expect anyone to do that everyone has faults. Maybe I’m just meant to be chronically single so other people can learn from my Breakups. So the writing continues and maybe a publisher someday.

Rule#5 don’t insult them

This applies to both during the break-up and after. In the end of a relationship the goal is a clean break not to have them hate you. For one it makes you out to be disrespectful and two no one in the future would want to date you knowing what happened. The Best way to handle this is be straight let them know that its not working and even admit some of your own faults.
Should the insult happen after the breakup its okay to be hurt, Just don’t let it rule you. Ultimatly your reaction is what makes this better for you. If you admit your hurt but smile, move on with your life. Never insult them you have atleast had enough respect for yourself to live well, that and you know they don’t deserve any energy if they choose to insult you. It will bite them in the ass someday especially if they may want to date one of your friends in the future.

Rule#4 Don’t Lie about your reason for breaking up with them

Yet another no brainer for both sexes don’t lie about your reason for breaking up. Don’t say its because your moving away to Yemen for example when you just don’t know how to say I just don’t like you anymore. They deserve enough respect to simply be told you and I aren’t working together.
If you do lie it is inevitible someone finds out and may wind up doing something they regret. Such as an egged car maybe worse. The only thing I can suggest in this is remember the person that made you mad isn’t worth making a billboard advertisement for an std or any of your tears. It sucks and as tempted as you are to bash their car don’t.
Living your life is the best thing you can do. If you see them at the grocery store don’t cause a scene just smile, wave and remember your amazing and they are missing out.